What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
