I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
