dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
