In the future we'll all be gay
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
