Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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