party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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