dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it because I queefed?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize