Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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