he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
