I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
