Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I want a musical about memes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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