Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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