i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
