he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drunk is a universal language darling
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
