tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's get the cat blown out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your penis caused this!
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