Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
