I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize