i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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