i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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