Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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