as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
