my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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