Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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