She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
