I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
