so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
