we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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