BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
