Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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