But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
