he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
3pm strippers are depressing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize