I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
