He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
