I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
