Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
