i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize