Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.