The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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