i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
