She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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