i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
