meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You've changed since you got that strap on
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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