ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
