how can u be prego again
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
