Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
nutella sex= disaster
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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