I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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