I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
