It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
