ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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