The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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