Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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