he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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