He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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