you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
