Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
