I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
