he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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