I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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