yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
