Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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(941): View more from Florida

I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(813): View more from Florida

He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.

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(916): View more from California

Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!

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(+45): View more from Denmark

I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned

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(248): View more from Michigan

This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug

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