My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
