that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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