I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
